The 2017 NFL All Ski-Mask Way Offense

There is the All-Pro teams and then there is this team, the All Ski-Mask Way team. Instead of awarding the great players of this season, me and my committee will be rewarding those that maybe did not play as well as people thought they should. We are all for players getting paid, but sometimes things just don't work out for the better with those deals, hence the guys on this list. Here helping me compile this list are Dan Dinkins of The Starting 5 Podcast and Talking My Team Network, Kyle Nash of The Student of the Game and NGSC Sports and Khalid Boyd, fantasy sports enthusiast. Here is what our committee came up with. Get ready to be entertained!


Quarterback (Dan Dinkins)

Ryan Fitzpatrick Disgusted

Ryan Fitzpatrick, New York Jets ($12 million for 2710 yards 12 TD,17 INT )

He was paid 1 million per game. $413,793.10 per interception and touchdown thrown. $4,428.04 per yard thrown this year. Think about his lack of production and the millions in poverty in this country that wish to have a job! Ryan should have donated much of this salary to the needy because I'm sure they would have been better served with that money than what he did for this year's Jets team in my opinion. They should have been a playoff contender! But hey, when Geno Smith is your backup, you will always have hope in keeping your starting job! 

Running Backs (Dan Dinkins)


Reggie Bush, Buffalo Bills ( $1.3 million for -3 Rush yards, 1 TD 90 yards receiving)

Reggie made history y'all! -3 rushing yards at the end of the season has to be seen as a incredible feat! As long as I've been alive (37 years lol) I don't think I've seen a performance worse than this from someone who was once seen as the next Gayle Sayers!!! He did collect 90 yards receiving which gave him a grand total of 87 total yards on the season which he was paid $14,942.52 per yard! In the immortal words of DJ Khalid "Congratulations, You Played Yourself!"

Rashad Jennings

 Rashad Jennings, New York Giants ($2.25 million for 593 rushing yards, 3 TD)

Part of this is his fault. But I place much of the blame on atrocious offensive line play. On 181 attempts (second most in his career), this is not good enough for a player which over his career has never broke 900 yards! And to be known as somewhat of a receiving threat, 201 yards in the passing game also just isn't good enough.

Wide Receivers (Kyle Nash)

(photo courtesy of Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports)

Torrey Smith, San Francisco 49ers ($7.6 million for 20 receptions for 267 yards, 3 TD)

His arrival on the Niners made sense.  They stole Anquan Bolden from the Ravens as part of a roster that took San Francisco to the Super Bowl in 2012. Torrey Smith was the one who did the stealing here. 20 catches for 267 yards and 3 touchdowns isn't an appropriate level of services rendered for the $7.6 million dollars paid in 2017 towards the $22 million guaranteed.  At the surface, blaming the quarterback situation of Blaine Gabbert and Colin Kaepernick is tempting, but former head coach Chip Kelly got Kap to perform well this season. Smith could only muster enough talent to haul in 20 passes this year.

Tavon Austin upset

Tavon Austin, Los Angeles Rams ($7.8 million 58 receptions 509 yards, 3 TD)

As tempted as I was to 3-peat Mike Wallace, I can't hand a Ski-Mask to a thousand-yard receiver.  Hence, Tavon Austin Makes the list.  As much as I scoff at Jared Goff as a passer, Todd Gurley and the Rams provide the ultimate in play action passing opportunities and Austin Still can't manage more than 509 yards on a schedule where you play the NFL's 31st ranked defense TWICE??  $7.8 million that could have been better spent else where.

Jeremy Maclin

Jeremy Maclin, Kansas City Chiefs ($12.4 million for 44 receptions for 536 yards, 2 TD)

It's not that Maclin is a bad receiver, but tying down $12.4 mil in cap space on a run-first offense where he's pulling in only 536 yards is larceny of the finest order.  Pair that with the fact their TE, Travis Kelce, hauled in as many yards as him in a fraction of the season and that rookie Tyreek Hill scares defenses far more than Maclin is icing on the cake with the nail file hidden for the receiver to earn this Ski-Mask Award.

Tight End (Khalid Boyd)

Lance Kendricks

Lance Kendricks, Los Angeles Rams ( $5.6 million 50 receptions for 499 Yards, 2 TD)

It makes sense why the Rams quarterbacks were so inept.  Maybe they don’t have a good vision plan or the receivers can’t make plays.  Had Lance stretched out a mere 3 feet more, he makes an extra half a milly in incentives.  He’s probably the only guy still looking for a stat correction, so he can get paid.  The Rams had little to no bright spots last season, and this dim bulb helped.

Tackles (Khalid Boyd)

Ereck Flowers

Ereck Flowers, New York Giants ($3.3 million)

He seems to get all the penalties at the most inopportune time.  This sieve of a man at left tackle had people wanting to burn him in effigy and probably caused Eli Manning a few more grey hairs.  If he plays any worse, the Giants should banish him to the CFL---Cambodia Football League.

anthony costanzo frustrated

Anthony Costanzo, Indianapolis Colts ($9.8 million)

Normally reliable, he played more like George Costanza this season.  I see why Indianapolis is stuck in neutral usually.  A member of an esteemed 8-8 line the last two seasons, Constanzo is 20% of the reason that Luck complains about the roof at Lucas Oil Field.  Of course, if he was upright more often, his complaints would be unfounded.  Luck, an architectural genius, is able to tell you how thick the steel rafters are from 80+ feet away.

Guards (Mike Patton)

Mike Iupati

Mike Iupati, Arizona Cardinals ($4.2 million)

Iupati was considered one of the best guards in football a couple years ago. Fast forward to now and he is wasting away in the desert at this point. Iupati surely whiffed on a few blocks and definitely played a huge role in Carson Palmer's remake of Under Seige behind that offensive line. He may be well-paid, but he definitely left the Cardinals feeling well-played this year.

Josh Sitton

Josh Sitton, Chicago Bears ($5.4 million)

Sitton got thrown for a curve when he was let go by the Packers and signed with the rival Bears. But instead of taking his frustrations out on the field, he played like he was a spy for the Packers, escorting opposing players to the quarterback while initially whiffing on his block. Maybe Sitton did not go to prom in high school or something with all the escorts to the quarterback he gave.

Center (Mike Patton)

Joe Berger

Joe Berger, Minnesota Vikings ($1.6 million)

Berger was a part of a Vikings offensive line that was injured a lot. But he was also part of an offensive line that changed their offensive identity from a running team to a team that was not recognizable offensively as the season went on. Sam Bradford, for as much maligned as he is, probably saw all the lights in every stadium he played in this year because the line in Minnesota was getting passed by like they were a turnstile during the busiest time of the day in a New York City train station. Berger was the anchor and orchestrated all the chaos. Hence his selection here as the Master of Chaos of this team. Welcome.

Least Valuable Player (Khalid Boyd)

Brock Osweiler

Brock Osweiler, Houston Texans ($12 million for 301/510 passing with 15 TD, 16 INT)

This pillar of the Houston community, Brock "Sock" Osweiler, signed a lucrative four-year, $72 million deal with $37 million guaranteed.....and he guaranteed averaging 1 pick per start.  I remember a few games of him going for under 150 yds this season.  Shoutout  to John Elway for not getting ganked by Sock’s agent.  The sad part is I expect him to make the team next season, as it is too rich to cut him next year.  Sock reminds me of the dude you want to be great, full-well knowing he can’t because he lacks the “testicular fortitude” to want to get better.

The Jeff Fisher Coach Of The Year Award(Dan Dinkins)

Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles Rams

The first year for the Jeff Fisher award and we found it only right to name it after its first winner! This illustrious award has now and forever been named after one of the longest tenured, yet abysmal head coaches the NFL has ever seen! Jeff Fisher managed to have a 22 year career as a NFL head coach while amassing only six winning seasons, five .500(8-8) seasons and every other season finishing with a losing record. 11 YEARS OF LOSING RECORDS!!! No coach in the history of professional sports could last that long with such mediocrity! This man must have had tapes or videos on the former owners of the Oilers/Titans AND Rams! Now granted, he was only 1 & 1/2 yards from winning a Super Bowl, but one Super Bowl "almost" grants you this much immunity? It shouldn't have. But I guess when you have those special secrets, maybe one day you too could have a lengthy career like Jeff had! Him and Marvin Lewis must both have that magic touch 😂. Congrats Jeff. Welcome to the afterlife of coaching and the eternity that is called "THE ALL SKI MASK WAY's JEFF FISHER AWARD!"

Here we have it. The All Ski-Mask Way team along with our offensive LVP and the Jeff Fisher Coach Of The Year award. Hope you enjoyed and stay on the lookout for the All Ski-Mask Way defense.

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